I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
worst night to have a conscience
you didnt know i had herpes?
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Randomize
