I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
