Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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