a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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