so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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