D3 body, D1 cock
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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