I look better un-naked...
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
