You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
