im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
