i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
