Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Randomize
