And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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