I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
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