All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
