Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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