just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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