So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
