theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Randomize
