in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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