Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
