i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Randomize
