who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
