It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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