Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Randomize
