And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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