he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
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