Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Randomize
