There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
