just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
last night I used snow as a chaser
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
