Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
