I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
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