he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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