He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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