That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
