She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
