I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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