I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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