So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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