either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
