You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
