I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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