I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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