Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
