I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
