i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Randomize
