yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
