Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
