ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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