my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
