those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
