I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
