The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
