you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
